Your World In Review: Face paint, Abduction in Florida, FDA & Sugar, Love at First Sight

The FDA is asking parents to report any problems with face paint (rashes, etc.) by calling its adverse event hot-line at 800-332-1088. The request comes after 43 girls at a girl scout event got a rash from face paint.

Sadly, another Florida girl was abducted this past week (10-19-09) on her way home from school. She was last seen running ahead of her group of kids on their one mile walk home after getting into an argument with another child. Seven year old Somer Thompson, from Orange Park Florida, was later found murdered. Her body was recovered in a dump, and police are desperately searching for her killer. Hopefully the predator is found before another child looses it's life. Now might be a good time to use some of our abduction prevention materials with your kids.

The FDA has gone public with its plan to crack down on food manufacture labels, which it says are misleading the public. Products that contain as much as 50% sugar are often marketed under smart "choices labels."

Little Emily was only in her kindergarten class for one day. During that time, she managed to make quite the impression on another 5 year old boy. You see, Emily suffers from a rare genetic condition. So when she was forced to leave school for a kidney transplant, her classmate wanted to help. He came up with the idea all by himself, of selling vegetables from his wagon around the neighborhood to raise money for her medical costs. He managed to raise $380 thus far. When asked why he does this, he responded: "Because I love her ... She's nice and she used to sit by me, and I really like her." And they say love at first sight doesn't exist. Emily, who is now battling cancer, is still in the hospital. What would really make this a feel good story is if she can manage a full recovery. So if you have an extra prayer or two to send her way, it couldn't hurt. CNN News reported this story October 27th.

Check our our websight at www.keepyourchildsafe.org

Adventures With Balloon Boy: What should Happen Now?

Oh, what to do about good 'ole balloon boy. It seems like just yesterday when I watched the charade unfold on television, thinking to myself, 'In 20 years of following safety issues, I've never seen anything like this.' But then again, the general rule is that if you have anything in your house or backyard that through some freak chain of events might get a child into trouble, then somewhere, somehow, it's bound to happen sooner or later. Children are masters at initiating the right combination to unleash mayhem, if for no other reason than that curiosity tends to lead them to flirt with every possible scenario. As it turns out, my first instinct was right, and police now say the whole thing was a hoax.

Sure, like most everyone else, I was a little perturbed to find out it was all a sham. I haven’t felt so used since that time I passed out at Uncle Jed's house. CNN cut away from two hours of regular programming,(Of course, anyth1ng that gets Rich Sanchez to shut his trap is a plus) and I, like much of America, wasted a lot of perfectly good worry and a precious tear or two when it appeared that 6-year-old Falcone might have taken a land-dive at 3,000 feet. It's not as though worry is hard to come by, and granted, I also cry during Bambi, but still, I feel a little bit cheated by the whole thing. Apparently, such sentiment is common all across America.

Yet what bothers me more about this whole situation is to hear pundits on news stations or Entertainment Tonight talking about how the state should take the kids away. Now, I'll be the first to point out that this mother and father won't be winning any parent of the year awards anytime soon. And if there was ever anyone who needed to be on medication more than Richard Heene, I wouldn't want to meet him. The kids seem ill-behaved, rambunctious, and out of control. Watching little Falcone throw up on television while (allegedly) being made to lie about it all was almost as heartbreaking as the incident itself. But what would you expect? After all, according to Dad, the entire family is descendants of aliens. Yet is this enough to justify placing the kids in foster care? To those who answer yes, we would say to you: I don't think you realize just how damaging such an action really is.

How many of you would support a person who lurked outside a park, wait for the first child whose parent looked away or wandered off, only to decide they knew better and moving in to snatch them away, bring them home, and keep them in a strange house for months or years? Would we view such a person as a hero or a monster? CPS workers may be wearing a state issued name tag, but to the child involved, it couldn't matter less whether the person is sporting a ski mask or a smug smile of superiority. It's still someone snatching them away from everything they know and love in life, (even if those people and/or environments are imperfect, neglectful, or abusive) and plopping them down into a strange situation with strange people.

As imperfect as a child's caretakers may be, a child's family is important to every child, as is everything else in their environment. (Siblings, schools, their home, their bedroom, all those things familiar that serve as a source of comfort.) Attachment, or a child's bonds with caretakers, is a youngster’s most important need. In fact, the major problem with child abuse is not necessarily the actions themselves, but the fact that when children are abused or neglected repeatedly, their attachment with caretakers is injured. The action of removing a child from their home often causes a profound injury to attachment and emotional security, doing in one swift swoop what even years of abuse might only whittle away at. In fact, if you compare long-term outcomes for foster kids to studies of children from other abusive or neglectful situations, it's not even a close call. Foster care, by leaps and bounds, predicts the most harmful adult outcomes when compared to any other type of abuse. It's an act so severe that in terms of trauma from the child's point of view, it rivals the most brutal assaults or violent rapes. It's not uncommon for kids to go mute afterwards or show other signs of acute shock, something generally only brought about by the most brutal of attacks. Foster care attacks what is more important to a child than anything else in the world: their sense of belonging to a family. Taking a child away from their family may be legal for CPS works, but it’s still an act of child abuse, and a serious and quite devastating form of abuse at that. It shouldn't be taken lightly.

If it does turn out that this thing is a hoax, I'm sure the Heene family will pay dearly for it as it is. The ironic thing is that this stunt will probably eliminate the possibility of them ever getting the reality show they were striving for, so in this regard, it's a little bit of poetic justice. The reality charade they did get will probably not be nearly as much fun as they were anticipating. As for the criminal charges, probation would probably be appropriate, especially since that whole rescue effort looked expensive, and I'm sure restitution is in order. Above all, we need to remember that as imperfect or abusive as families or parents may be, we can't simply swap them out for what we deem to be a better situation, at least not without doing a child the gravest of harm in the process. It's easy to criticize and act superior. But if we do so in a way that incidentally causes a child much more harm than was necessary, doesn't that make us the real child abusers, the real monsters of society?

While we're at it, rather than pointing fingers at a family who (quite obviously) have enough problems as it is, perhaps we should ask ourselves why parent's would be moved into taking part in such an ill-thought-out stunt. Perhaps we should ask ourselves why viewing the naughty, malicious, and self-destructive behavior of other has become a favorite pass-time for hundreds of millions of people. After all, if we didn't watch, if we didn't make it a sport to revel in other people making fools of themselves on television, there wouldn't be families out there who feel a need to stage such things to get on television, or even considers such self-deprecating fame so important to begin with. This episode is as much a reflection on the state of society at large as it is on this family.

These kids will have to face enough as it is, without us screwing them up even more by yanking them out of their home. Look on the positive side: I don't know about you, but after a couple hours of non-stop balloon-expert testimony, I now know more about flying hot air balloons than I ever imagined, which should come in handy if I ever need to make stealth James Bond-like getaway in a hot air balloon.

General references:
1. Nina Bernstein, 'The Lost Children of Wilder,' New York: Pantheon Books, 2001

2. J. Hodges & B. Tizard, "Social and family relationships of exinstitutional adolescents." Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry, 30, 77-"'97

3. J.J. Doyle Jr., "Child protection and child outcomes: measuring the effects of foster care." MIT Sloan School of Management & NBER, Working Paper

4. Global Children's Fund, “Child Maltreatment: A Cross-Comparison,” unpublished manuscript, Chapter 36, www.keepyourchildsafe.org

For more information on kids, check out our website, www.keepyourchildsafe.org

Your World In Review: Bad Psychology, Racism, Milk Safety, and More

In case you missed it ...

In the October 12th issue of Newsweek, Sharon Begley reported on the escalating abuse between research psychologists and clinical psychologists. A new yet to be published study scolds clinicians for ignoring science and employing methods that lack credibility and may even do harm.

The scoop: This is the latest chapter in an ongoing feud between psychological research and private practice. Belief and perception is such a powerful force in our mental health, psychologists can hurt as well as help.

"I don't do interracial marriages because I don't want to put children in a situation they didn't bring on themselves. I feel the children will later suffer." - Justice Keith Bardwell, after refusing to wed an interracial couple.

The scoop: The only reason children might suffer later is because of bigotry dished out by people such as Keith Bardwell.

Where do babies come from? No, not the biology question, but the distribution of the world births. A Newsweek compilation found that 57.4% of the worlds babies are born in Asia, 26% in Africa, 11.5% in the Americas, 4.6% from Europe, and 0.5% from Oceania. (Australia and surrounding areas.)

Milk wars are heating up all across the country. The FDA says, drinking raw unpasteurized milk in dangerous. Advocates say it tastes better and boosts the immune system. The sale of raw milk is legal in 28 states, and many laws are being mulled over as we speak.

The scoop: I avoid the hasle and get my milk straight from the nipple. Sure, the cows give you a strange look and farmer Jim has chased me out of the barn a time or two, but it doesn't come any fresher. (Ha Ha)

Toy Guns for Grownups

The battle in gun safety versus gun rights has recently taken yet another turn towards the surreal. It all started when the mayor of New York made it illegal to paint a firearm to make it look like a toy. It seems as though some unsavory types were attempting to disguise weapons by spray painting them to look like a theater prop or toy. It seemed like a reasonable measure. Unfortunately, gun advocates disagreed.

Gun manufacturers, angered by the mayor's new law, have begun to market an in-your-face response: They've begun making real guns that look like toys straight off the assembly line. I kid you not. (And the NRA wonders why safety advocates are so critical of their industry.) What's next guys, child friendly hand grips? These new firearms, painted bright colors and labeled with cheery paint coatings such as "watermelon red" have begun to hit the market. Pistols in hot-rod red, candy apple green, shiny purple, bright yellow, hot pink, and all sorts of other kid-inviting colors are being bought and sold as we speak. Some even have a little cartoon decal on them, meant to mock the mayor but all too similar to something you might find on a toy car or skateboard design. Naturally, this is more than a little concerning to us.

This means a couple things for your children:

1. Police are going to be paranoid, and the odds of an officer mistaking a juvenile prank for an actual threat are greater than ever. It might be a good time to sit down with your children and talk .with them again about the importance of never, ever, ever pointing anything at a police officer. This is especially important for teens. It only takes one playful gesture to turn an ordinary day into a tragedy, and if you've read the news lately, some trigger-happy cops in many areas seem to be having a hard time distinguishing plastic soda bottles or yellow magic markers for firearms as it is.

2. Gun manufacturers might as well have put a ribbon and lollipop on their merchandise along with a sign that says "play with me." To a child (who may or may not know how to distinguish a real gun from a fake gun) these firearms look like they could be water pistols or toy props. They are, by design and intent, made to look like a toy. They're inviting to children. Numerous gun tragedies (perhaps 20-30 percent of those involving children) start out with the same problem: a child finds a gun and assumes it isn't real. They do what they might do with a toy gun...point it at a friend and playfully shoot them. The chances of a child finding one of these new weapons and mistaking it for a toy are substantial, so make sure YOUR child knows that bright colors and a kiddy look doesn't mean its not a real gun. Teach them to never, ever play with a gun or stay around while a friend is playing with a gun. If there's any question at all, don't touch it and find an adult. Take this time to review gun safety with the many resources for children we have available on our website.

Perhaps after a tragedy occurs, gun manufacturers might come to realize that fixing up guns to look like toys wasn't such a good idea. We hope they get their pants sued off in the process. In the meantime, it's a new twist to a long-time threat. Make sure your children are aware of it.

Jamie Spears Is Pregnant-What Should I Tell My Child?

Brittney Spears' sister, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears, is pregnant. I know. Shocking, isn't it? How in the world could such a thing happen when ones own sister is such a fine role-model, says you. But alas, it is true. While I fear for this child's well-being for other reasons, (play time with Aunt Brittney, brain damage and seizures induced by the flashes of Paparatzi cameras) it's the teen pregnancy that has the world in an uproar.

You see, Jamie stars in a children's show whose general audience is tweens; 7-12-year-olds for the un-hip. It appears that once again, a Spears has not lived up to parents expectations as a proper role-model. (Hey, at least Jamies not making out with Madonna on national TV...yet).

As can be expected, the innocence police have emerged full force-mouth's agape in shock at the thought of having to talk about that S-E-X word with their kids. Sex: that basic fact of life that kids aren't supposed to know about. Babies come from storks and mommie and daddy were just wrestling-little white lies lest they know about, you know...life.

While the 'sexual ignorance=innocence' myth is a popular excuse for avoiding discussions that may be uncomfortable, reality is that children aren't clueless. In actuality, it's quite normal for children to display sexual behavior or engage in sexual play. The fact is that childhood masturbation is common, and all children display curiosity about sex related issues. The fact is that even kindergardeners gossip about it on the playground, or tell dirty jokes behind their parents backs. (Any teacher could fill your ear with story after story of sexual discussions or acting out among their students). The reality is that kids are immersed with sexuality whether you like it or not; it's around them in nature, it's part of their nature, and it's lurking around every corner throughout society. Yet despite these realities of life, some parents still honestly believe that they are doing their children a favor by pretending sex doesn't exist, at least until the child is older. (Mid-forties, perhaps)

Shielding children from knowledge of sexuality isn't preserving their innocence, it's shirking your parental duties. Like drugs, sex should be openly talked about from early on, not postponed until waging hormones and teen rebellion sets in, when your parental influence will have lost much of its power. While alarmists fear that the knowledge of anything sexual will spoil children, the exact opposite is true. In fact, Sigmund Freud, the Godfather of psychology, even went so far as to declare that the suppression of sexual instinct in childhood was the root of all adult neurosis.

Instead of blasting Jamie, parents should be thanking her for the wonderful discussion opportunity. It's times like this which make ideal chances to bridge the gap with your children in talking about sex. Embrace it! Open the discussion, and talk about things like...

-Do you think Jamie has made a good decision?
-How do you think having a baby will change her life?
-Now that she has a child to take care of, what kinds of things won't she be able to do with her friends?
-What kinds of sacrifices and responsibilities are involved in raising a child? Do you think Jamies considered the full-scope of motherhood?

As always, answer their questions honestly and openly. There is nothing about life that kids "can't know about." While it may be a little uncomfortable at first, there is no logical reason you can't talk about sex as openly as you would any other subject in life. Millions of other parents do, and their children are better off because of it. You just need to slowly work through the decades of conditioning that has trained you to feel embarrassed about the subject.

If you'd rather they learn about sex from their peers, or obtain their views on sexuality through the media, then by all means, continue avoiding the subject. Cuss-out Jamie for her assault against your child's innocence. Otherwise, talk openly with your kids about sex every chance you get. Don't look at this whole teen pregnancy episode as a bad thing, but as a valuable learning opportunity.

General references:
1) The Basic Writings of Sigmund Freud, translated and edited by Dr. A.A. Brill,(1995) Random House: New York
2) Straight Talk, THe pueblo chief tan, (3-25-07) p. E1
3) Normative Sexual Behavior In Children; Friedrich, W.N., Grambush, P., Broughton, D., Kuiper, J., & Beilke, R.L. (1991) Pediatrics, 88, 456-464
4) Gunderson, B.H., Melas, P.S., and Skar, J.E. (1981) Sexual Behavior of Preschool Children: Teachers' Observations. In L.L. Constantine and F.M. Martinson (Eds.), Children and Sex, New Findings, New Perspectives, pp. 45-61, Boston, MA: Little, Brown & Company
5) Roberts, E.J., Kline, D., Gagnon, J. (1978) Family Life and Sexual Learning. A Study of the Role of Parents in the Sexual Learning of Children, Cambridge, Mass.: Population Education, Inc.