I get a little loopy during the holidays, (even without too much egg-nog), and it's sometimes fun to get a little off-topic and silly on occasion. So this piece was written for your literary enjoyment.
If you find it pleasing, then I'd like to congratulate you in advance for your good taste, and encourage you to please send your friends our way. If you think this poem might be good at performing the same function as a vacuum cleaner, don't worry, I haven’t quit my day job.
Do you know about the scariest thing on Halloween night?
That something that gives parents everywhere a fright?
A something so scary it strikes fear in us all,
You- never know where it be lurking, on the street or in the mall.
This thing, it even scares all the monsters away,
It's frightening whether you encounter it at night or during the day...
This hideous beast, with a mind of its own,
Ferocity greater than anything this world has ever known.
The first time I ever encountered this thing,
It struck me off guard, pounced without warning.
We were just walking along; times as good as they go,
When it started with a simple little word, known as "No."
It happened so quick I was caught by complete surprise;
I saw my whole life flash before my very eyes,
I stared at this thing with a look of surprise,
And it stared back at me, its mouth open wide.
Baring its teeth, its eyelids shooting out a sprinkle,
Its hideous face all contorted and wrinkled,
What before was a child now looked more like a raging beast,
Hungry and angry, seeking parental blood upon which to feast.
Surely, this irate screamin' demon was no child of mine,
My child must be trapped somewhere inside.
At first I wasn't quite sure what I should do,
You would know the feeling, if it happened to you.
What to do...what to do...should I run? Should I hide?
Should I try to protect all the people passing by?
I yelled and I screamed, I made a big fuss,
I pleaded and I begged, yet it wasn't enough.
There's little one can do when this beast rears its ugly head,
Other than take its wrath while wishing you were dead.
Kryptonite won't work; no type of medication would be enough,
There is no holy water strong enough to tackle this stuff.
I called out for an old priest and young priest, but they
Got one look at this scene, and promptly ran away.
Yet there are some things this monster of all monsters can't stand,
The first thing is kindness, with a calm yet firm hand.
If you can just stand your ground, and stay calm through it all,
Just maintain your composure and the beast will wither and fall.
For time is the enemy of the beast, you should know,
This monster is fierce but it's fleeting, it comes and it goes.
You might think that it can never happen to you,
I assure you it can, and you best be prepared if it do.
So on this Halloween night, amidst the cool breeze of fall,
Be on guard, and be aware, of the scariest monster of them all.
Have a happy and safe Halloween everybody.