Kids Afraid of Halloween & Other Costumes

For most kids, Halloween means a fun time of dress up & lots of candy. But for children who are afraid of masks, people in costumes, or mascots, this holiday can be a frightful experience, with monsters lurking everywhere. If your child is one of those who screams in fright anytime someone puts a mask over their head, There are things you can do to help them overcome these fears. - Helping kids overcome their fear of people in masks or costumes - Learn how to deal with childhood fears in general

Now that school has gotten underway and kids are settling down to their classroom rolls, bullying often starts to increase. About one in five kids are frequent targets of bullying. Learn more about the causes of bullying and which children are most at risk for being bullied. Many bullied kids are too embarrassed and concerned about being seen as unpopular to let on about what is going on. Look for signs of bullying in your child. If you do find out your child's is being bullied, its important to handle it properly. Parents often give kids the wrong advice, or go about trying to intervene in a way that will make the problem worse. Here are some of the informative chapters: - What causes a child to become a bullie - Bullying at School - Assessment and Intervention - Solutions for dealing with bullies

What to Tell Kids about the Connecticut School shooting

Sadly, trauma here we go again! Another day filled with tears over a senseless act of violence. This latest tragedy is particularly sensitive to discuss, since it took place in an elementary school. Here are some basic guidelines for parents:

• Don’t ignore the situation or try to hide it. Kids are likely to find out about it eventually from other kids at school, and when they do, your silence about it may amplify their fears. So ask if they heard about what happened and if no, tell them you want to discuss it because they will likely find out later.

• Don’t pull your kids from school over safety concerns. This is an irrational thing to do, and it feeds into a child’s fears that they aren’t safe.

How to explain this incident

Parents should talk openly and honestly about this tragedy. Here are some key points to discuss:

• Explain that tragedies such as this can happen anywhere, just like it’s possible for a small asteroid to fall from the sky anywhere in the world and knock you on the head. But when is the last time you got hit with an asteroid? Tragedies like this can strike anywhere, but that doesn’t mean they are likely to happen where you are at. Such cases are extremely rare, and it’s a one in a million chance you will ever experience a tragedy such as this one.

• School still is the safest place you can be. It’s filled with adults who will protect you with their life, and all in all, far more things happen away from school. The reason stories such as this get so much attention is precisely because they are so unusual.

• Don’t use terns such as evil or monster. These are lazy explanations, and they only fuel a child’s negative emotions. The truth is that as monstrous as this person’s actions were, he was not a monster, but a seriously disturbed human being who committed a heinous act. Describing people as evil avoids a serious explanation and nurtures feelings of fear, anger and hatred.

• Talk honestly about mental illness. Tell them to imagine a nursery full of babies. Inside that nursery, there are no bad or evil babies, because every human being is born good. But sometimes, as people grow up they experience things in their life that cause them to become bitter or angry. While we may never know what drove this person to commit such a horrible act, we can be sure that things occurred that made him feel helpless, bitter, angry, and out of control, turning him from that wonderful baby in the nursery to someone who was so disturbed that he thought this was the best direction his life could take.

• Some things there are no answers for. Explain that it’s hard for normal people to fathom how someone could do something like this. Most people would shield children from a bullet; to point a gun at a child and pull the trigger is unthinkable. Tell them this. Talk about how there are around 310 million people in America, and 309,999,999 would never consider doing such a thing. Try to make whatever sense of it you can together.

• Going forward, we should use this as a reminder to do all we can to insure everyone around us is loved and cherished, no matter how similar or different they seem from us. We can do all we can to try and make sure that nobody around us is ever feeling so helpless and out of control. Taking this approach funnels all this emotional energy into positive responses such as empathy and compassion rather than the destructive one such as hatred and fear.

Finally, our thoughts and prayers are with all the parents of Sandy Hook Elementary School, especially those unlucky ones who just had the worst day they will ever experience in their life. While there are not words to express what they are feeling, each and every child slaughtered in that school is now in the heart of us all.

It's Not Just Celebrities Behaving Badly

Lately, everyone's been talking about celebrities behaving badly. From the Tiger Woods scandal to Lindsay Lohan's drunken criminal mischief to Mel Gibson’s racist rants and insane behavior, it seems as though there's never a shortage of celebrities behaving badly. of course, the reason for this is less scandalous and shouldn't be all that shocking: celebrities are imperfect people just like everyone else, acting in imperfect ways of their own unique types and varieties.

Whenever a celebrity reveals a less-than-noble side of themselves, parents scoff; society pounces, and their misdeeds become the fodder of news and talk shows. Yet everyone seems mysteriously quiet about another form of bad behavior broadcast all across television: the despicable ways in which society and the media at large tends to respond to such un-admirable behavior.

From a perspective rooted in psychological science, the bad behavior of people responding to such incidents often seems a whole lot worse than the transgression in question. We scoff. We snub our noses. We point fingers. We call names. We apply our own moral standards or personal beliefs to the lives of others. We self-righteously claim the high road and pretend that we would never make hurtful mistakes ourselves. We talk about how evil/horrible/nasty/stupid the person in question is. What's worse, such responses have become so normalized that people almost expect it.

There are a couple notable things about such responses. First is the hypocrisy. You might fool your neighbor with such finger pointing, but the research on human behavior exposes the charade. Do we really need to pull the statistics on how many of you cheat on your spouses? Yell at your kids? Get divorced? Hit your kids? Maintain dysfunctional households? Use (or have used) drugs? Have drinking problems? Drive drunk? Are verbally abusive? If one takes the time to tabulate the prevalence rates of bad/ hurtful behavior of various types, it exceeds 100% of the population dozens of times over. Obviously, each of us struggles with our own unique problems.

Aside from the hypocrisy, the more concerning issues is how these attitudes impact the absorbent minds of children. What does all of this blaming, finger pointing and condemnation really teach our kids? That when someone errs, the proper response is to joke and laugh and shame and humiliate the other while telling ourselves that we're good and they're bad; we're better and they're worse. Is this what you want your kids to be learning? that when someone messes up you're supposed to make a spectacle of it? that it's OK to be nasty and mean-spirited and spiteful, so long as you think you have an excuse for why the other person deserves it? This is what our kids pick up by watching news and talk shows. No wonder bullying in schools is such a widespread problem.

Amidst this sea of negativity, the only thing kids learn is that others will use your failings to hurt you, and you should use the failings of others to hurt them in return. Who's going to tell our children that shaming and humiliating someone tends to impede their progress towards prosocial behavior? That it only serves to alienate and divide people, rather than reconcile them? That people do imperfect things, and so will they, but what matters is not ones failures but how we try to correct them and what type of person they are overall? Who will point out that verbal abuse and social scorn is often more destructive than any other type of abuse, and so engaging in such behavior is abusive and every bit as wrong as what the other person might have done?

Who's going to tell our kids that when someone messes up, the right thing to do is to help them understand how their actions have hurt others, not rub the offenders’ nose in the sand? Who's telling them that reveling in the failings of others doesn't exactly make one righteous (only self-righteous: and that such behavior is itself injurious, and therefore wrong? Pundits in the media certainly aren't taking this approach. Rather, they are modeling behavior that is even more despicable than the sex scandals or drunken escapades of celebrities. This makes it all the more important for parents to aggressively combat this influence.

Forget for a moment your worries about what bad habits or unhealthy messages your child is picking up from watching celebrities. We're more concerned about what children learn by watching society's responses to these scandals, and you should be too. People are always going to be imperfect souls who make many, many, many mistakes over their life. This isn't news, nor is it even really a scandal. Yet if we continue to model such hypocritical and condemning reactions, the lessons our children learn from this is a threat to the very fabric of society. We're teaching our kids how to create divisive communities in which a Jerry Springer-like bully culture is the way of life; one which thrives off the hurt and humiliation of others. This is not a culture we should want any child to inherit.

Top 5 Tips for Keeping Your Kids Safe Around the Pool

A guest post

If you're lucking enough to have a swimming pool in the summertime, you, as well as your friends and neighbors, probably want to spend as much time as possible swimming and lounging. Pools are a great way to stay cool, have fun and be active in the summer. They can also be very dangerous for young children if the proper precautions aren't taken.

According to Sabriya Rice of CNN Health, "children between the ages of 1 and 2 represent 47 percent of submersion injuries and 53 percent of fatalities for children younger than 15."

To alleviate your worries and keep your child out of harm's way, here are some basic guidelines to remember and follow with your pool. These tips are also good to keep in mind year round, even if you are not using your pool.

Talk to Your Child

First of all, just be up front with your child about the risks. Let them know the dangers and why you have set rules around the pool. There are some books and videos that make it easier for children to understand pool safety.

Use a Pool Fence or Cover

It is always a good idea to have a fence around the pool. This will keep your child out of the pool area until you are ready to take them in. If you do not have or are unable to install a pool fence, there are special coverings and nets like the pool covers at In The Swim. These protect anyone who might slip or fall into the pool from becoming submerged.

Be Prepared

In the worst case scenario, if your child does fall into the pool, it is necessary to prepare yourself to deal with this. Even if 911 is called, having some basic first aid skills can save your child's life. Learning CPR can be an essential tool in saving your child's life in a pool accident. Life jackets, a first aid kit and anything that might help retrieve your child from the pool are items that should be close-by when swimming.

Do Not Leave Children Unattended

Never let your child outside without an adult. This may seem like common sense, but most cases of child drowning occurs when a parent or babysitter goes inside for just one minute. Even when you are with your child, pay attention to them. Do not do other tasks like reading or texting. According to babble.com, it can be more dangerous to have many adults around swimming children than just one or two— everyone assumes someone else is watching the kids.

Swimming Lessons

Swimming lessons are available to children starting at 1 year old. It's never too early to implement water safety training. According to safekids.org, children under 5 account for 76 percent of drowning fatalities. Teaching them this valuable skill can help them be more prepared if an accident happens.

Set Rules

Make it clear that certain rules must be followed. Setting rules like no running around the pool or no going outside without an adult help your child understand the precautions they must take to stay safe. Let them know and remind them why these rules are important.

Lock Doors

When you are in the house with your child, keep all the doors locked so they cannot go outside without you knowing. Even if they are old enough to unlock the door, it is an indication to them that they are not supposed to go outside. If you have a pool fence, always keep that locked as well. Having an alarm can also be useful.

Following these guidelines will greatly reduce the risk of your child drowning or becoming injured by the pool. Don't forget these tips are relevant around portable pools or when taking your child to the beach as well. As long as you are aware and cautious, you will have a great time swimming this summer with your kids.